Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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