What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
