Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
