Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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