I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
