I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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