I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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