clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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