I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
