just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
