Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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