We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
