Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
