I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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