My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
