Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
