her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
