It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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