If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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