not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
