is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
are you so shy because you have an std?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
