capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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