No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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