we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
