Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
