you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
