i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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