Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
