I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
