please come you make the beer taste better
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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