my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
