I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
