don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
