And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are my feet made of real feet?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
