I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
