The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
