Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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