Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
