first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
