how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
this hospital has no fireball
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize