The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
