she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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