Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
