do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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