i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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