OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
