i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize