he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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