that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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