i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
