My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
