i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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