So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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