Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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