if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
