I'm eating all of the evidence.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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