Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
