Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
