Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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