He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
