i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
