Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
