your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just found a bag of teeth...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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