like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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