if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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