Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
NoShamevember. You game?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
