Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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