saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
