My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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