how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
