I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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