I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
