his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
