actually, I'm a sock model
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
